Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
