i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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