It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
