tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
