so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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