is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
