I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
