I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
