I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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