it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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