I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
