just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
