Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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