So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I am midnight drunk by noon
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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