Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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