she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
as a side note pls kill me
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