OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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