It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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