How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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