Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize