i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
