I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
