Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
