You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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