oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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