Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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