I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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