I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
