i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
