I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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