did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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