....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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