Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
