If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
