My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
