Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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