just tell him i said nine months
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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