the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
