i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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