Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
