Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
