Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
this is an emotional support booty call
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
