you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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