Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
