Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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