Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
