i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
