make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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