He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
