Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
