last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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