Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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