If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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