i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
