Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
