im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
