Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
