I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
