The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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