you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
