Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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