Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
