I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
