That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
