FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
