Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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