I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
