So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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