dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
