We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
My ATM looks so different sober.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
